Religious Fanaticism Has Reached a Whole New Level of Crazy

Ladies and Gentlemen,

This letter was lovingly written to me by my own mother. I want to show the world just what religious fanaticism will do to someone. To preface this my basement was flooded during the recent storms and it took out our HVAC. I stayed with the parents while we were waiting for the ac to be repaired:


Dear Daughter,

I need to talk to you about some things. I love having you here. You are my daughter and I love you. I taught you about modesty and decency. It's as if you are saying to me in your dress "That's a bunch of stuff. I don't have to do what you said!" Well, that's not OK when you are here. I expect your respect for my wishes. Cover up, Mary. You are dressing like the world in all its lust and impurity. You are a beautiful woman, yet you are "advertising'. not leaving much to any mystery. this is really upsetting to me that you aren't respecting yourself or us. I couldn't believe that you went out in that tonight!

Love,
Mom

Now what was it she found to be so offensive? Was I going out in my underwear? Naked? No. What she found offensive was this:



Now is that really so bad? Yeah I have cleavage, and yeah I like to display a little of it, but did it really warrant my mother basically calling me a whore? Also, I am 30 fucking years old. I figure at this point I can damn well wear whatever I want to wear.

I am so angry about her self-righteous bullshit. I can pinpoint exactly when her modesty obsession came about. She was watching a priest give a sermon on immodesty. I actually heard this dipshit say "the female form is an occasion for sin".

I'm so mad I can barely see straight.

Farewell Old Geezer Sneezer Caesar

My ex just told me that my dog, Caesar had to be put down. Both of my babies gone in the course of a month...I don't know how much more of this I can take.

That which does not kill me makes me stronger. I guess.

I need some happy, dammit.

Farewell Frederick J Tinker-Tink

8 years ago a tiny little furry guy entered my life and captured my heart. He was small; so small that he could fit in your shirt pocket with room left over. He was injured and close to dying. My then mother-in-law nursed him back to health and placed him in my and my then husband's care.

Through the moves from location to location, and through my struggles with my ex husband he was there for me. He knew just how to comfort me when I was upset, and he was the best bedtime snuggler. I would fall asleep with him laying on my chest - head against my cheek.

When I left my ex I also left him. That was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.

Last night at 3am he took his last breath.




My heart is broken.

I miss ....

someone to go home to
someone who understands my quirks
someone who loves me for who i am
companionship
saying silly things
meaningful conversations that last into the night
cuddling
total acceptance





not being lonely

Catching up / Music

I have been lacking things to say lately. It's not that I have nothing happening in my life, but I don't seem to have the ability to verbalize any of it. I'll just say that there have been a string of disappointments combined with huge amounts of work stress.

My date last night stood me up, so instead of acting on any of my destructive behavior urges I went to ear x-tacy to drown my sorrows in music. I looked for colourmusic's album, but they had to order it for me. so instead I got !!!'s (pronounced chk-chk-chk) "Myth Takes" album and "Chunk of Change" by Passion Pit. Both albums have proved to be hella awesome and dance-worthy.

I also found out that coffee + zunes don't mix. Now what am I going to do to get my music fix? I want to get an ipod but the price of them makes me cringe. Blah.

I am hoping to have something else to say soon. I heart my blog family!

The Illusion Ends

I have not really heard back from Awesome Date Guy. I guess that means it wasn't as awesome as I thought. Ugh, this learning to date thing sucks.

Neurosis

Once I think that my self-esteem is where it should be something happens to knock it down a few notches. It's usually something internal and stupid; like what I experienced last weekend.

My ladies and I went out for an evening of dancing at ye olde Flanagans derby night. First, I have no idea what possessed us to think that this was a good idea but it sounded like fun at the time. The douchebags with popped collars count was astronomical! What got me realizing that maybe I wasn't feeling as good about myself as I should was when - out of my group - some dude would make a pass on all of the ladies, get rejected, and then settle with me. Of course they got the stink eye and an elbow jab from me.

Each one of us in our group has our own self-esteem issues, and we talk about this freely, but damn! I am getting tired of the roller coaster.