Life, The Universe, and Everything

I am not really a blogger, nor am I a writer. When I attempt to write my brain turns into mush. This is my lame attempt to get thoughts out about my life, divorce, work, etc.

About me: I am a workaholic. I have worked 60 - 70 hours a week since the start of February and it doesn' t seem to be letting up anytime soon. My current employment is as a data analyst for a global healthcare company. It isn't sexy work, and it isn't very exciting, but it is steady and pays a decent wage. My company has decided to build a system for keeping track of customer issues and I have taken on the task of building the reporting from the ground up. This is completely frustrating as what data is going to be available isn't even known yet. I am expected to map out data fields and reports that may not even exist. Talk about feeling like I am going to be set up to fail.

As of March 3, 2009 I am divorced. My marriage lasted for 10 years though we were separated after 9. I am releived yet terribly disappointed that I couldn't make it work. I married for all the wrong reasons. We met in college in the winter of 1998 and were married by November 1998. At the time we met I was 19. 19!!! I never dated in high school and I had never really had a boyfriend. My only experience at the time was a sexual relationship with a man 21 years older than me. My self-esteem was so low that I thought this man (my soon to be husband) was my only chance to be loved. I guess it didn't matter how I felt about him I just needed to be adored. More to come on this. I can't seem to make myself write about it.

So here I am now - 30 and newly single and trying to figure out what most people learn in their late teens and early 20's. That would be DATING. I am horrible at it. I have become what could be called as "easy" and it is causing me a lot of heartache. Yes, I have put out on the first date, and yes I have put out on the second date. The men I date have a tendency to disappear. Maybe I am just too needy. I definitely haven't figured out how most men in their late 20's to early 40's think. They confuse the hell out of me.