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A dear friend of mine has suggested that I take a year off from physical relationships to get myself on track. I think this is a great idea. It would definitely help me clear my head and help me figure out myself.
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It would be easier for me to give up smoking.
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I know what causes this. I had put myself and my own wants and needs (not just the physical kind) away just to deal with the bad relationship. Now things are quiet. I am not surrounded by constant negative energy and my inner-self is starting to come thorough. That inner-self is lonely as hell. I try to deal with the loneliness but after a while it consumes me. Have you ever heard the song "Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches? That ends up as me. It's not working. I end up increasing my number for no good reason or go back to a previous "friend" who uses me just as much as I am use them. Either option ends with me feeling slutty.
One more element is my fear of relationships. There are a few I have been interested in and could see potential for something serious much further down the road, but because of that potential I freeze. I watch them get snatched up by women who have the nerve. Now if I see no real potential I have no problem with initiating something physical.
A year of nothing physical....I need something in which I can channel that energy. I have thought of taking guitar lessons so I can have something to accompany my voice. Music as a replacement for sex. This might work.
PlaidStallions is moving! (slowly)
5 years ago
Guitar doesn't replace sex, but the drums do so go that direction. Ladies and Gentlemen...it's cliche time...
ReplyDeleteIf your own actions make you feel poorly about yourself, then you must stop them. You are torturing yourself, you don't need sex and you don't need to use sex to fill a void, especially if it isn't doing the job anyway. You touched on it for a second, alone time to find yourself, inside is where fulfillment comes from.
When in doubt, shake the boobies around and see what they say.
ReplyDeleteI shook the boobies. They said "Ouch not so hard! We've been pierced!". I did it again more gently and I received "stop being such a dipshit".
ReplyDeleteYou are correct in that I am torturing myself. There are more factors that go into this, but really the sex is nothing but a diversion. I don't have that "connection" with someone that brings it to the next level and makes it worthwhile so I fake one.
This sounds familiar, when did your dad leave?
ReplyDeleteI apologize if that question was out of bounds, but finding that "connection" is an issue I am well acquainted with. I've been married 6 years, we've been together 9 years, I'm still pretty sure she doesn't know me that well. This is my fault of course, I don't open up, some kind of fear of rejection which stems from the abandonment issues issued by lack of daddy at just the right time.
The lack of daddy issue is a valid one. In my case he and my mom split when I was five and he died when I was 22.
ReplyDeleteI had that connection once. He squandered it.
Sorry to hear that.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is. Thanks though.
ReplyDeleteTake advice from a reformed man eating slut. Sex will never ever EVER fill that void but it sure feels great at the time. The same can be said for cocaine and chocolate. Cocaine gives you that damn coke flu and you feel like shit. You eat 4 bags of Lindor Truffies and wonder if your ass is going to explode. A vice is only a vice if you allow it to be.
ReplyDeleteYou need to take control. You already know this. You also know that you need to stop looking for someone else to work on and work on yourself first. Taking a sabbatical from a sex can be cleansing.
A year is a little harsh. 3 months? I could see myself doing 2. Maybe. Sex is important but do not allow it to be a substitute for companionship.
Look for companionship in friends and family instead. Take a self defense class. Get rid of that negative energy. You know it will just sour your outlook on the future if you allow it to fester.
You seem to be on the right track. Guitar lessons would just piss me off. Get involved in something like karate. You will feel better after you kick someone's ass. You will also be too sore and tired to fuck. BONUS!
Do not give up smoking yet. You can only handle so much, love.
As far as the daddy issues. I'm a bastard so I can relate. *grins* My shrink actually had the audacity to tell me that my slutty background stemmed from that. Fear of commitment. Man, we are some deviled eggs, eh?
Cheers! ♥
Dear Cole Buzan,
ReplyDeleteI respectfully request that you remove the device you have planted in my brain. It is bad enough that *I* know what is in there.
Sincerely yours,
Mary
P.S. really. you hit the nail on the head too well.
I think I will take a Karate class as well. I need to burn through my Cheeto binging. Damn those CHEETOS! Cheetos are like crack cocaine to me.
ReplyDeleteI also refuse to remove the device. It has already embedded into your grey matter and it would be too dangerous to remove it. I have your best interests in mind. Pun? *chortles*
I just ate some cheetos.
ReplyDelete