Thursday, April 9, 2009

Freakouts and Too Many Options

I had a panic attack at work this week and escaped to my mom and step-dad's home for some parental pampering. What set it off? Was it money? Insecurity? Self-esteem issues? Stress? There are so many factors in my latest freak out. Friend pitted against friend; both of whom are dragging me in the middle. My own insecurity about my body. I think deep-rooted issues from my childhood have brought it about. Lots and lots of work. Biploar-mania-induced financial irresponsibility.

Then there is the biggie. The straw that broke the camel's back. It is the possibility of quitting my good-paying full time job to live with the parents, work part-time, and go to school full time. I want to do this so badly but it would mean living with them again. I really want to live by myself. I worked my ass off for the job I have now, but it is something I meandered my way into. I don't want to be a data analyst for the rest of my life.

So many options. I am getting overwhelmed.

1 comment:

  1. I hate to be cliche', but just do it. Do what you want, if it feels right or excites you, go for it. If you meander around long enough, your mind will turn on you, you will over-rationalize things, you will indebt yourself to unnecessary creditors, a subconscious sabotage. Don't anchor yourself in shallow waters, go deep and go big.
    I know this all too well, at 31, I have a job I hate and have placed myself in a financial prison, limiting most options. There is no shame in living with the folks for a while, there is shame in settling for a life, your own life. The difference between those you admire or hold on a pedestal, lifestyle or professional wise, is that they tried to do it. Take the first step. Don't look back. Don't let the issues sway you.

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